Of Love, Marriage & Fire

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     I leaned against my window and looked out at the world around me. People walked by, cars drove down the road, and the occasional pigeon perched on the roof across from me. I grabbed a crust of bread, and set it out on the balcony in case the pigeon was hungry, but he warily avoided me and the bread. 

As I tried to get the pigeon's attention, Jesus came from around the corner and looked up at me on the balcony. 

"Hey you!" He said lovingly "What are you up to?"

"Oh, not much," I replied "just thought I'd try to feed the pigeons, but they aren't interested." I dusted off my hands and leaned over the railing to look at Him.

"You wanna come up?" I asked

"Of course!" He smiled as He swung Himself up and over the edge of the railing and joined me. 

I looked over at Him

"I have a question today." I said

"Marvelous! What about?" He said as He picked up the crust of bread and began crumbling it.

"It's about my relationship with you..."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, I've been listening to some preachers, and other people, and they all tell me that I should be madly, head over heels in love with you. Don't get me wrong - I love you! There's no doubt about that. It's just that.... well..."

"You aren't ecstatically over the moon for me?" Jesus laughed

"Exactly. And that makes me wonder if something is wrong - why aren't I crazy in love with you? Shouldn't it be that I can't stop thinking about you, and you're all I ever want to talk about?"

"Nope." was my reply

"No?" I asked, confused at the short reply "So all those other people are wrong?"

"Nope." was again my reply. I raised an eyebrow at Him. He smiled at me. After a pause I asked 

"So... You going to explain?"

"Once upon a time," He began thoughtfully "there was a young man and woman who met, and fell madly in love. They were over the moon ecstatically enthralled with each other. They were all the other could think or talk about. Then they stayed that way for the rest of their life. The end."

"No offense, but that's a pretty bad love story." I said. Jesus smiled.

"Once upon a time," He said again "there was a young man and woman who met, and fell madly in love. They were over the moon ecstatically enthralled with each other. They were all the other could think or talk about. So they got married, and began a life together. Gradually, the hot flames of passion that began their relationship became bright, glowing coals of commitment and trust. They fought, they made up. They laughed, they cried. They grew, and learned together. They daily and  carefully tended their love. It became the kind of love that could stand any weather, and anything that people could throw at them. It wasn't always easy, fun, or glamourous. But it was real, and true. The end." Jesus looked at me. "There's nothing wrong with being passionately in love, but it's no way to live your whole life. It's exhausting, and hard to concentrate on anything else. It drains you very quickly, and when it's all you want, and you put all your energy into trying to always recapture those flames instead of growing the love deeper and stronger, you won't last very long."

"Sometimes" I said "it seems easier to just be blissfully in love though, instead of dealing with all the issues that come up with a life of commitment."

"But the rewards are far greater when you do commit." Jesus replied 

"So I guess I'll never be over the moon for you?" I asked, mildly disappointed

"We'll still have times where those feelings are brought back for a short time," He said "just don't  try to create them, or make them stay. Enjoy them while the last. Love is about way more than just how you feel at the moment. Over the moon, or otherwise."

I nodded. Jesus took a piece of bread, and held it out. The pigeon that had been watching us swooped down and landed in His hand to take the food. Jesus gave it a pat on the head before it took off again and flew out of sight. 

Of Walks and Strawberries

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   I was taking a walk down a sunny dirt road with Jesus, admiring the little flowers that grew bravely in the ditch and listening to a bird cheerily whistle his song when for no reason in particular I became restless. I felt like I had to do something, or go somewhere, and in a hurry. I turned towards my Maker.

"Hey Jesus?" I asked

"Yes Shalene?" He replied

"Why haven't we been on any adventures lately? I mean, this whole just walking around quietly can get old pretty fast."

"Why would you think we're not on an adventure right now?" He asked as He bent down, plucked a piece of grass and began chewing on it.

"Because we aren't doing anything new and exciting I guess." I replied.

We veered off into the ditch, and hopped a fence into a field. I heard Jesus began to quietly recite

"There is an appointed time for everything. 
And there is a time for every event under heaven—

 A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted. 
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up. 
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance. 
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. 
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away. 
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak. 
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace."

He turned and looked at me with a smile and continued "A time for exciting adventures, and a time for not-so-exciting adventures."

"Are you saying we're on an adventure right now?"

"Of sorts." He replied. "No matter where you are or what you are doing, as long as you're with me, you are on an adventure, and there is something I have for you to learn from it."

   It made sense to me. So as we plopped down in a patch of wild strawberries and began eating them, I tried to fathom what I was supposed to learn from walking through fields and eating small red berries. After some deliberation, I turned to Jesus and said
"I think I might know what it is you are trying to teach me."
"Oh really? What?"
"I think it has something to do with patience, and resting - perhaps with being content as well. You know, just being happy with what I have, and where I am, no matter where or what it is. Not having to always be going somewhere or doing something - just sitting quietly with you and listening."
Jesus eyes sparkled at me
"Good guess." He said as He handed me an extra large strawberry He had found. "I love it when people just sit and spend time with me. It's the best way to get to know someone."
"Kinda like celebrities huh?" I asked as I popped the berry in my mouth "You can know all about them, where they live, what they like or don't like, you can read their biographies, and what they've been up to, but if you don't actually spend time with them, you can't really know them, and they will never know you!"
After a short pause, Jesus looked over at me and asked
"So, you wanna go do something?"
I smiled.
"Actually, I'm really enjoying this time of just sitting and being with you."
"Perfect." said Jesus. "Me too."

Of Canvas and the Painting of It

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  I laid on my back in a green grassy field and watched the clouds gently float by. I squinted my eyes, trying to concoct shapes out of the fluff. After spying a strange looking face, a fire breathing dragon and a fuzzy kitty, I rolled back onto my tummy and looked over at Jesus who was sitting beside me with a canvas and palette of paint. His calloused hands moved the brush with ease and precision as he blended colors and shapes into a beautiful sunset landscape. I propped my chin in my hands and smiled.

"You paint such beautiful pictures." I sighed. Jesus eyes sparkled as He turned towards me.

"Thanks." He replied "It's one of my favorite things to do." 

"It looks so real!" I exclaimed as I admired His handiwork "Like I could just walk into it!"

Jesus laughed as He added a bit more red to the sunset. As I watched Him continue to paint, I noticed the sparkle disappear from His eye, and the paintbrush droop as He looked sadly off into the distance. I sat up.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He looked at me and forced a small smile. 

"Just thinking..." He said softly. I waited for Him to continue. He set down His brush and paint, stood up and offered His hand to help me up. 

"I want to show you something." He told me. I stood up rubbed my hands together gleefully. 

"Another adventure?" I asked. He shook Head.

"Not this time." He said "Just something I think you should see."

"Works for me." I said, not sure why He was still so sad.

He took my hand and we started walking through the field. 

  We soon came across a young girl also sitting in the field. As I got closer, I saw that she had a canvas and paints. Curious, I came up behind her to see what she was painting. It was a beautiful portrait of her. It was the most lifelike painting I'd ever seen - it captured every detail about her from the mischievous glint in her eyes to the soft sprinkling of freckles across her nose. It was breathtaking. Suddenly, my hands flew to my mouth in horror as she clumsily scooped paint up onto her brush, and smeared it across the portrait, attempting to cover the freckles. I saw Jesus wince beside me as she smeared more paint on different areas of the canvas that she thought didn't look quite right. By the time she was done, you could never have guessed how beautiful the painting had originally been. As she stood up and walked away with her painting, Jesus motioned for me to follow Him. Not far off there was another young woman with a beautiful portrait of herself, only this time instead of smearing paint all over it herself, she was paying someone else to paint over her portrait. And while the man she paid was obviously very skilled and trained, what was left was a mere shadow and imitation of what the painting had been before. I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears as I turned around and saw another woman painting black letters and designs on her portrait, all the while declaring loudly that it was her painting and that she could do what she wanted with it. 

  As we kept walking, I saw many people with their paintings around me. Men and women of all ages. Some of the paintings they carried had been neglected and were falling apart from lack of care while others were so obsessed with their paintings that they had no time to see the beauty of the field around them and the other people that were in it. 

I turned and looked up at Jesus. Tears filled His eyes as He wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"I painted every one of those portraits." He said softly "I spent days adding details and unique features to each one. Each is different and special. And now look at them. These people are more concerned about what others think of their paintings than what I think."

I stood in silence, not sure what to say.

"Why don't they ever like their painting the way I make it?" continued Jesus "It doesn't matter how I paint it - they're never happy. There's always something they'd like changed or think should be fixed. What's even more sad, is that so many care more about their painting than they do about getting to know me, and letting me change their perspective and make them beautiful from the inside." He looked at me sadly.

I suddenly remembered the painting Jesus had given me. I turned and ran across the field to my house where I had tucked it away. I pulled it out of it's corner and blew the dust off it. To my chagrin, there smeared straight across it, was my attempt to paint over it. I sank to my knees as a tear rolled down my cheek. I now realized that it wasn't beautiful because it was perfect or flawless in my eyes or anyone else's, but because it was Jesus who had painted it just as it was. I heard footsteps behind me and turned towards Jesus

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered through my tears

"I forgive you." He whispered back. He sat down beside me and pulled me close. "You know" He said "I might be able to fix it."

I looked up at Him hopefully

"It'll take a lot of time and patience, but I think I might be able to get some of that extra paint off to see what's really underneath."

"I'd love that." I said as I offered Him my painting and He tucked it safely under His arm.

"You're so special." He said with a smile

"Only because you made me that way." I winked.

Of Locks and the Opening of Them

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   I stood in front of a large door, and contemplated the label that stretched across the front of it. 'Shalene's Life Doors' it read. I tilted my head to one side, and chewed my bottom lip in thought. Not coming to any satisfying conclusions, I decided there was nothing left to do. I opened the door. It lead to a large room full of more doors. Having seen this kind of thing before on movies, I checked the door I had just walked through. To my relief it had a large, clearly marked exit sign above it. Satisfied that I would be able to find my way back out, I began slowly making my way around the room.

  Each door was clearly labeled. One that immediately caught my attention was one labeled 'Motherhood'. I opened the door, and peeked in. Sitting and playing on the floor was my baby girl, who giggled happily when she saw me before going back to playing with her toys. I smiled and shut the door. I began opening all the other doors in the room - some were locked with a sign that read 'coming soon', while others swung open easily so I could either peer inside and see where they led, or step inside and experience what they had to offer. About halfway through, I reached for a doorknob, but as I was about to open it to go through, a hand shot out in front of my face and slammed it shut.

Surprised, I looked up at the person.

"Why'd you shut my life door?" I asked, irritated.

"You can't go in there." they replied

"Um, excuse me, but it's my door, and I can go in if I want to."

"No you can't."

"And why not?" I asked, attempting to humor them.

"You're not good enough."

"Excuse me?"

"You're too young to go through that door. Wait until you are older and have more experience." I frowned as they pulled out a large, strange looking lock of their own and began to secure it to the door as they continued talking.

"See, it's for your own good. This way you won't get hurt or cause a ruckus. It's probably better that you never go through this door. Leave it for someone else to figure out."

"Now wait just a minute!" I protested as I grabbed their hand and stopped them from applying the lock. "Like I said - this is MY door. Not yours. I can do what I want with it."

"Fine, whatever, have it your way. Let's do this." They said mockingly as they stepped back.

"Thank you." I said as I grabbed the knob and opened the door to go in. Suddenly, I tripped and landed flat on my face. I winced in pain as I stood back up. I shot a glare back to the person behind me - the prime suspect for the cause of my fall.

"Did you just trip me?" I accused.

"Me? No. I was totally for you going through this door remember? I said you should do it. Why would I trip you? That's ridiculous - how dare you accuse me!" They grabbed my hand and pulled me back outside the room. "But what did I tell you? You got hurt. See? I told you it was better for you to stay outside this door." They whisked out their lock and promptly secured the door shut as I stood and rubbed my sore nose.

"Whatever." I spat - thoroughly annoyed "This isn't worth it." I waved them off and turned around to walk away. As I spun around, I bumped into Jesus.

"Woah there, where you going so fast?" He asked, brushing some dirt off my shirt "Aren't you going to go through that door? You went and checked out all the others, and I think you'll really like what's behind this one."

"No, that person there says I can't, and I don't want to keep fighting them." I rolled my eyes.

"Well, looks like they're gone now, why don't you try again?" I looked behind me to the door, and sure enough, no one was there anymore. So I shrugged, and walked over to it. I turned the handle and pulled, but nothing happened. I raised an eyebrow as I looked and saw the lock that had been placed there. I attempted to unlock it, but was unsuccessful. Now utterly fed up with the whole process, I gave up. Whatever was through that door certainly couldn't be worth the trouble to get it.

"I don't care anymore." I told Jesus "Let's just find another door that doesn't have people who trip and insult me, and put impossible locks on them, okay?"

I caught the disappointed look in His eye as I began to walk away, but pretended I hadn't. Soon we were exploring all kinds of other doors, and having marvelous adventures in some of them, but that one door was always at the back of my mind, and I wondered what was really behind it.

Late one night, I walked up to it, and looked at it. It was dusty, dirty and dark in the moonlight, and the lock was now rusted shut. I gingerly tried again to open it, but it was stuck tighter than ever.

"Still stuck?" Came Jesus voice from behind me. I jumped before shoving my hands in my pockets.

"Yeah." I replied. "Just... just curious I guess."

"You should be." He told me as he came up and slowly wiped away the dust off the sign on the door. "I had great things for you behind this door. But you had to go through it."

My heart sank, and I shrugged.

"Oh well. Not like I could get in now anyways. There's still a lock on it."

Jesus ran His carpenter hand over the lock.

"This is a popular one." He said, partly to me, partly to Himself. "It's a lock made up of the lies we're told by others. So simple, yet so effective. And so easy to unlock."

My ears perked up.

"You can unlock it?"I asked

"All it takes is some Truth." Jesus said as He turned to face me "A little bit of My Truth and this thing will pop wide open." He pulled a chain from around His neck with a key dangling on it and handed it to me. I took it, and looked into His sparkly brown eyes

"With Me," he said quietly "all things are possible. You can do anything."

I put the key in the lock, and immediately the whole this dissolved. I opened the door and peeked inside. Sunlight hit my face, music tickled my ears, and exotic new smells wafted around me. Jesus leaned in over my shoulder and put His face near my ear.

"Ready for an adventure?" He whispered

"Ready." I grinned.

Of Flashing Lights and Stars

  I bobbed my head and tapped my foot to the beat of the music as I unashamedly busted a few moves on the dance floor of my heart. Not that I'm extraordinarily good at dancing, but there are some days that my feet just won't stay still, and tend to break into spontaneous flailing. As my arms followed my legs example, I couldn't hold back a grin. I probably looked ridiculous. Not that I cared right now. With a final flourish, the song ended and I told my feet that play time was over. 

  Sweaty, messy and happy, I flopped back into a comfy chair to catch my breath. Out of the corner of my eye, something caught my attention. I raised an eyebrow and turned my head to investigate. There was a flicker of light in the distance. Entranced, I stood up and made my way towards it. The closer I got, the darker it seemed to get, and the more lights began to pop up in the distance. I stopped, unsure. I glanced back towards my comfy chair and dance floor where everything still appeared bright and sunny. I knew I should probably go back... but I'd never seen this kind of thing in my heart before, and was curious. 

  So with a shrug and quick promise to myself that I wouldn't go too far I set off to inspect. I gingerly approached the first light. When I reached it, I discovered there was nothing scary or nasty about it - it was simply a screen with a recipe for great pancakes on it. I licked my lips. Mmm... pancakes. I peeked around the screen to the one behind it. That one held a funny comic, so I walked up to it. I laughed heartily at the antics of the characters on the screen and began to proceed to the next screen in line. There were screens with my friends, screens with movies, screens that had all kinds of useful information, screens that had games to play - and I wanted to see all of them. I moved through them in wonder, soaking everything in. 

  While I was particularly engrossed in one screen, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I glanced behind me to see Jesus standing there, clad in his usual blue jeans, t-shirt and wavy brown hair. 

"Hey Shalene." he said

"Oh, hey." I replied, going back to my screen

"I have something to show you." he told me as I giggled at the characters on screen

"Can it wait?" I asked "I'm kinda in the middle of something here."

"I suppose... when will you be done?"

"Soon, don't worry. I'll come right away."

"Okay, see you soon." he said as he walked away and disappeared in the sea of screens.

My show finished, and I looked around for Jesus. As I began to go searching for him, another screen caught my eye. I stopped to look and admire, and was soon engrossed. When I finally remembered what I had been doing before, quite a lot of time had passed. I turned from the screen, and began again to search for the lover of my soul. When I couldn't find Him among the screens, I thought maybe I could find him back on the dance floor or by the stream. I started to head out, but suddenly stopped. Which way was out? I was surrounded by screens flickering in the dark, seducing me with their swirling colors and tantalizing words, and for the first time I began to see what was really on them - lust portrayed as love, violence as a game, superficial items as needs, scantily clad photoshopped bodies as beauty. On and on it went, blatantly opposing everything Jesus had ever taught and showed me - and the vast majority of it hiding behind a thin mask of being helpful, useful and innocent. 

 Disgusted, I picked a direction and began to run. But the twisted passages of the screens were like a gigantic maze that I couldn't navigate. I finally came across an open area with large circle of screens. They towered above me, screaming their lies of lust and greed at me, growing louder and louder. Then their yelling suddenly faded, and Jesus stepped out from behind a particularly large screen and stood silently before me in the flickering light. As our eyes met, I saw the sorrow and pain in His, and my heart broke. I ran up to Him and threw my arms around His neck. 

"Make them go away" I whispered

"That's something you have to do for yourself." He whispered back

"How? They're everywhere!"

Jesus moved my arms from around His neck and pointed. I followed his hand and saw a large switch labeled ON and OFF. I immediately moved towards it, but as I wrapped my hands around it, and was about to pull, All the screens simultaneously began blaring my favorite shows, websites, products, and music. My resolve wavered. I looked back to Jesus. 

"It's your choice." He said gently

I grasped the switch with both hands, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Then I pulled. Everything went dark. I turned back towards Jesus. He was a dark outline among the now silent screens. I walked up to Him, and He took my hand. 

"I have something to show you." He whispered "I made them just for you."

"What is it?" I asked

He pointed up towards the sky where millions of stars shone and danced on their black canvas. I couldn't see them when the screens were on, and they took my breath away. I laid down and admired them. Jesus laid down beside me, and began pointing out different constellations to me. 

"You made all this for me?" I asked incredulously 

"Yup. You like it?"

"I love it! Thanks!"

I snuggled into His arms happily and laid my head on His chest where I listened to the steady rhythm of His heartbeat. 

"I love you." Jesus whispered 

"I love you too." I whispered back

He gently kissed the top of my head as we both closed our eyes and fell asleep under the stars that He had made just for me.