Of Holes and the Filling of Them.

   I was wandering about in my head one day, picking at the big ball of tangled emotions that lives there, and trying again to unravel its stubborn knots and figure out why I had been feeling so depressed and angry lately. As usual, everything was connected to everything else, and there was no way to even begin undoing it all. It was one of those days where I really didn't like being a girl. It's such a complicated gender to be. After trying in vain for a few days to unravel it all, and feeling more frustrated than when I started (and no further ahead), I decided to leave my big knotted ball, and go poking about in the other corners of my mind and heart for answers. Much to my surprise, I quickly discovered a large hole.

Now how in the world did that get there? I thought to myself. I remembered there being a bit of a crack coming a while ago, but had figured at the time that it would resolve itself. Apparently not.

Obviously the hole wasn't supposed to be there, and simply could not stay. I'd have to find something to fill it with. I immediately went about, attempting to find something to fill the gaping chasm. Nothing fit - not even my fairly large ball of twisted emotions. (which was getting more and more tangled by the day) I sat down in defeat. I glared at the hole, and was surprised to see it was in the shape of a heart. Of course! That was my answer! I needed to fill that hole with love! With a start, I ran off to grab the love of my life, and show him the hole. But after some futile attempts to have him fill my hole, I realized that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't. And then I was angry. It's his job as my husband to love me and fill my holes. I thought bitterly. He's not doing it very well.

I sat down next to my big ball, dangled my feet into the gaping hole and began to cry. If the person who loves me more than anyone on this earth couldn't fix my hole, then who could? It was all rather hopeless. As I was wallowing in self pity, anger and bitterness, I felt a gentle arm wrap around my shoulder and a soft hand wipe away my tears as I was joined by Jesus who sat down and dangled His feet in the hole with me.

"What's wrong?" He asked

"Obviously, this hole!" I managed through my sobs

"I see" He replied as He surveyed my hole thoughtfully "It's a pretty big hole. Have you tried filling it?"

"Of course!" I choked "Why'd you have me marry Andrew if his love isn't big enough to fill my holes? It's not fair."

"You know sweetie" He replied gently "Andrew is only a man, and will never be able to fill any of your holes."

"Well that's just perfect." I grumbled "I married someone who can't do their job properly."

"Well that's not very nice"

"I know, I'm sorry... but that's how I feel"

After a short pause of me sniffling and trying to regain some composure, I felt a gentle squeeze

"You know," He said "I love you way more than Andrew is ever capable of."

Something in the way He said that let me know that there was something He wanted me to figure out. I looked up at Him, and He raised an eyebrow at me. I caught a sparkle in His eye as I repeated back in my head what He had just told me

I love you way more than Andrew is ever capable of

It began to dawn on me, and a question popped into my head

"Can... can YOU fill my hole?"

A loving chuckle was my reply

"You can fill my hole!" I exclaimed.

"You should know that by now." He said with a smile. "Filling holes is one of my specialties."

"Then why did you let this hole get here in the first place?" I queried

"Well, when you got married, you stopped looking to me to fill your holes and make you happy. You gave Andrew that place in your heart, so I thought I'd let him give it a try and see how he did. He put a really good effort in - one of the best I've seen in a while. Guess it just wasn't enough though."

"I guess not."

We sat in silence for a while.

"Hey Jesus?"

"Yes Shalene?"

"I'm sorry... You know, for ditching you like that."

"It's okay, you came back - which is the important part."

"Will you please fill my hole?"

"Already have."

I looked down in surprise to see that it was no longer a hole that we were dangling our feet in, but a cool, clear stream. It bubbled and gurgled happily as it bounced it's way through my heart.

I smiled as Jesus stood up and handed me a small, neatly wrapped ball of yarn. I recognized my ball of emotions.

"Hey! You got it untangled! And so small! How'd you do that?"

"Oh, I just have a knack for untangling things." He replied

"Thanks." I said gratefully

"You're welcome. You should have me over more often - it won't get as big then"

I nodded.

"Love you" He said as He kissed my forehead

"Love you too" I replied as He waved goodbye and walked away whistling.

I looked down at my now manageable ball, and sighed happily as I splashed my feet in the stream.

"You look happy today." came Andrews voice from behind me. He came and sat down, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Yes..." I said back with a smile as I put my ball aside and hugged him. "Yes, I'm very happy now."