Of Dark Days and the Lighting of Them

   I fell to my knees in despair and screamed at the top of my lungs. I was surrounded by nothing but darkness, cold, and silence. I threw my hands in front of my face, hoping and praying I'd find something to let me know where I was, but they landed only on empty air. Tears flooded my eyes as I screamed again. I gasped, suddenly unable to catch my breath as the darkness pressed closer and tighter, winding it's way around my body and into my lungs. I clawed at the ground, and slowly began to move forward, but soon collapsed, barely able to breathe.

A barely discernible whisper began to float through the air, echoing eerily in the blackness around me. Between ragged breaths, I attempted to clear the fog of my mind and listen. A small wisp of breath brushed by my ear

This isn't worth it it hissed

I jerked my head in the direction of the voice, trying desperately to see through the darkness.

Just give it up

I slammed my hands against my ears. I recognized this voice - and it wasn't my beloved Creators.

   It was only a few days earlier that I had been relaxing happily under the sunny sky's of my heart. When I noticed the sun beginning to dim, I knew a dark time was coming, and began my efforts to avoid it. I ran through my lists of all the reasons I had to be thankful and happy, I ate my favorite food, did my favorite activities, saw my favorite people - but still the sun grew fainter, and the darkness slowly wound and crept its way into my heart. I watched in agony as the last ray of sun was squeezed from my heart, and I was left utterly alone.

"I know it's you..." I whispered back to the voice that glided past my ear. "And you're wrong - my life is worth it. I have people who love me, and I love them."

Instantly, and unbidden, memories and words flooded my mind of all the times my loved ones had let me down, not been there, and had acted unloving towards me.

My heart broke. I tried desperately to recall the reasons I loved them, and why I wanted to be with them for the rest of my life, but couldn't break through the fog that was numbing my mind.

Faintly through the darkness and the fog I heard Andrews voice calling my name. I tried to call back, but my throat closed up as if someone had clamped a hand around my neck. I longed desperately for him to find me and rescue me, and tried again to call out, only to be silenced once more.

The seconds and minutes dragged by, each a struggle to fight the darkness that was whispering anger, bitterness and lies into my mind and heart. Each word was an emotional blow. I couldn't tell now how long I'd been in the dark. I was so tired - so battered and sore. Maybe the voice was right... maybe it would be better to just let go... I closed my eyes and felt myself slipping beneath the waves of the darkness, and giving in to its despair, anger and bitterness. It was so much easier to not fight it...

"Enough."came a gentle, clear voice "She is mine."

A ray of light broke through the fog and a strong arm grasped me and began to pull me from the waves. With a hiss the darkness slowly and reluctantly began to recede.

With what little strength I had left, I opened my eyes. I dimly saw the face of the one I love more than anyone on earth

"Jesus..." I breathed

"Don't worry, it's over. I have you now." He cradled me in His arms protectively.

"What happened?"

"I allowed the darkness in to test and grow you."

"Did I do alright?" I whispered

"You did wonderfully. We'll talk more about it later. Now rest."

Exhausted I buried my face in His chest and collapsed. When I woke up, I was still in His arms, now surrounded by friends and family

"Are you okay?" they asked "We've been praying for you."

"I'm fine now." I replied "Thank you."

I noticed that the sun over my heart was shining again. It was still a bit dim, but growing brighter by the minute. I could see the streams and fields again, and feel the warm breeze play with my hair. I stood and began hugging those around me, immensely grateful for all the people who love and care for me.

When I looked back towards Jesus, I saw that he had laid out a marvelous picnic. I love picnics! So we all sat down with laughter and smiles and began to eat. I caught Jesus eye from across the blanket. He smiled at me, His eyes twinkling with laughter and love. I knew deep down that this wasn't the last time the darkness would try and overcome me, but I also knew I'd never be left alone. Jesus would always be right there to rescue me when my strength ran out, while my friends and family could always be counted on to cover me in prayer and support me. I scooted closer to Andrew and offered him some of my cookie. He smiled at me and took a bite.

"Good to have you back." He said

"Good to be back" I replied.